The Perfect Girl- SKETCH

The Perfect Girl

Ella Fredrickson

2/12/18

Draft 1

Kent

Larry

Grundelina

Open on two bros sitting in a locker room

Larry: Hey Kent, what’s your ideal chick?

Kent: (rubbing hands together like a douche) oooo bro I think about this a lot man, I’m thinking she’s gotta be super hot, and she’s gotta be cute, and be nice as FUCCKKK and also hot, did i say hot? I think that’s what every bro is thinking

Larry: What do you mean by hot? What makes a girl hot? Her face symmetry? Clear skin? A certain eye color? Hair color? The structure of her cheek bones? The size of her facial features? What makes a girl hot?

Kent: If a girls hot she’s just hot, ya know? Like she’s a cutie.

Larry: No, I don’t know. Also what differentiates the traits of cute and hot? Aren’t those just synonyms for attractive? But we also use the word cute to describe newborn puppies and old people holding hands, surely that word can’t ignite the same feelings you get when you see an attractive girl? Why don’t you have any concrete examples about what makes a girl hot or cute?

Kent: uh I… I

Larry: Come on! Use that little bro brain of yours to verbalize your thoughts. When you say nice, what do you mean? You want her to hold open doors for you? You want her to politely laugh at your jokes? But what if they aren’t funny, then she isn’t being honest, is that important to you? Do you want her to cook for you? What’s your ideal nice girl?

Kent: I just, I don’t know man, I guess you just sorta know it when you see it.

Grundelida jigs on stage

Grundelinda: Hello! My name is Grundelinda Ingeborg Ermgar Jördis! Spelled as it sounds with an umlaut after the second O. I’ve eaten one troll. One of my toenails is shaped like

the motherland! I am a seamstress and a songwriter, allow me to tickle your music pickle. (clears throat) I’m a humble girl who can make a great yak stew deedlely dum diddly doo! Krampus might nibble your liver if you lose your shoe deedley dumb! Deedley doo! I was born in a well and from there I grew! Deedley dumb, diddly do!

Kent: oh shit that’s hot.

Larry: What? My German Au pair, Grundelinda?

Kent : I couldn’t find the words to say it before, but that’s it. Grundelinda is hotness. She’s the perfect chick.

Larry: Are you kidding me?

Grundelinda: My womb comes with a curse, how about you?

ALL: Deedlydumb deeedly doo

Black