What Makes Odd Numbers so Odd*

When my third grader teacher told us that “6 and 8 went on a date and came back as 48,”

I shook my head and chuckled. 6 and 5 had been married ever since I had first learned the numbers, plus 6 was a straight male and 8 was kind of having a thing with 7. 6 and 5 were 4 and 3’s parents actually, they were kind of the Kennedy family of the numbers, the kind you see on the covers of board games. Odd numbers are not all odd, that is a vast and shallow generalization. Each number has a unique and individual personality created by my elementary mind, plus oddity is rather subjective. I’ve never thought of 7 as odd; he is very well liked after all, but if you really get into 7’s back story and his collaging hobbie, his normalcy is debatable. When analyzing the personalities of each odd number, it is essential to discuss the characters of the numbers adjacent to them. Even numbers have a huge impact on odd numbers and how they view themselves.

Let’s start at the beginning; 0 is not very notable. He’s a baby but there are so many conspiracy theories floating around questioning if he even is an number. Then there is 1 and 2 who are best friends, but 2 secretly thinks that he’s better than 1. 3 is definitely the type of number who always brings the casserole covered in marshmallow topping to all of the potlucks. 5 was is more maternal, her biggest worry is female pattern baldness. In general, she’s trying to keep the peace between 6, 7, 8, and 9. 6 is obsessed with the idea that 5 likes 7 better than him. While this is of course not the case, you can’t blame 6. 7 is brimming with confidence and goes to the gym way more than 6. He can do those full body pull ups, and is generally a fan favorite. As far as the odd numbers are concerned, 7 is the most popular- he won Homecoming King in high school and only pretends like he’s forgotten. Like I said before, he and 8 have been “thinging” for as long as I can remember, but they have yet to make anything official. I suspect it’s because of 7’s deep seated commitment issues. They stem from his parents, 17 and 21’s, messy divorce. 8 has always been a happy, go lucky kind of guy. He doesn’t rock the boat, he brings bagels into the office on Fridays, and always dresses up as Santa Claus for holiday parties.

9, of course, is no one’s favorite. When 9 walks into a room everyone groans. I’m pretty sure 9’s never been added to a group chat in his life. Why does no one like 9? That’s a good question, probably because no one’s ever really gotten to know 9. He’s kind of like the hunchback of Notre Dame. The only numbers that are at least more subtle are about their distaste for 9 are the double-digits. Double-digits are more mature in general, something must happen when that extra number is added. 10 is the ultimate peacemaker. I would say he’s like a more mature version of 8. Even men do have a reputation after all. 11 is the one odd number that acts like she’s even. She hangs out with evens and everyone loves her. People forget that she’s suppose to be odd. 12 is the exact opposite, everyone treats him like an odd. Just in general odds are treated a little worse than evens. Probably because they can’t divide evenly. 12 really dug his social grave when he decided to take 9 under his wing. Sure it’s a valiant decision, but it really slandered his name. He’s also really into Star Wars, that’s all he ever talks about to people. It gets kind of annoying.

As for the infinite other odd numbers, I couldn’t tell you what they’re like. I only had to learn multiplication tables through 12.

*Numbers intentionally numerical symbols so that the reader may gain a visual on the body types that add to numbers’ oddity